I walked away from a wildly successful, 16 year career to be a stay at home mom.

The first few times I told colleagues that out loud, I had a hard time saying it. I felt like being a ‘stay at home mom’ wasn’t a good enough reason to quit (I had a lot to work through).

For the last two years out of my 16 year career, I truly loved my job and was pretty damn good at it. I was an agile product owner for a data integration group, where I led a team of data scientists and software developers to solve complex data problems. My role as a product owner was the perfect combination of identifying big gaping problems, being a dreamer, socializing with literally everyone, and managing a technical team to execute our dreams.

I believed in our mission and what we could conquer when most people thought I was out of my mind. And we did deliver, in weeks to months, time and time again. These people were used to waiting on multi-year timelines. I made my customers so happy, because we delivered such useful products, integrated them into core processes, and truly moved the needle on things that were a pipe dream a year prior. This is what I loved about my job. My passion radiated out of me. I was the face of our products and was extremely proud. My products, briefings, and words even made it to the highest levels and around the globe.

But then I had a sudden, strong, and almost halting realization that although I thought I could have it all, it comes at a cost. I was missing my kids lives. My four, two, and two year old (twins) missed me like crazy, and I them. The twins first two years of life felt like a blur, but in my sudden realization I understood that was most likely because I literally was not around for it, besides from Saturday in which I was usually exhausted, Sundays (when everything is closed), and during the week an hour each in the morning and evenings.

I felt like at work I had climbed the mountain, put my flag in the ground. There were still many more mountains to climb, but at what cost? I had poured my heart and soul into my job and was very successful. Imagine what could happen if I poured my heart and soul into my own kids?

So this is how I became a stay at home mom. I literally up and walked away from my job so I could walk towards my family (perhaps I’m an all-or-nothing kind of girl). On one hand, it feels extremely profound. On the other, I know thousands of moms probably make my same decision every day. No matter what we do, we are giving up something else. I was tired of rushing home from work, debating whether to swing by the grocery store or not because it would take away precious minutes from my already limited time with my kids. And to be frank, I realized the risk of not being present for my kids is simply not acceptable.

So I chose to finally be present in my kids lives. To show up for them, to take them to their sport classes, meet their kinder teachers, take them to their doctor appointments, and create a little magic in their lives each and every day. For the past two years, I did almost none of that.

I chose to finally take ownership in my own home, instead of claiming ‘I don’t have the time’. To have the head space to plan out meals and grocery shop without feeling frantic or like I’m barely treading water.

My children bring so much joy, laughter, stress (lol), and an enormous amount of love each and every day. I am so honored to be able to raise them again.

This process has been so reflective and I know I’m still on a journey. Thank you for reading my thoughts on this! I have absolutely no shame for anyone if you are working, stay at home, or something in between. Being a mom is so tough for the fact that I always felt like I was rushing from one thing to another and not doing it well. This was my realization of what I needed to do, and I wanted to get it out in words. I do want to note that my job, although I loved it, was not very flexible. Could I find another job that is flexible? Absolutely. Do I want to right now? Definitely not. I want and need time with my little babes. They are my world, and I am theirs.

*first picture is when we decided as a family that I would quit to stay home, but hadn’t told a soul yet. <3